You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
