I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
