I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
