Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
