She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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