At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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