The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
