yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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