So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
