In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My pussy is not your playground.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
