I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
