I want you more than these girls want KFC
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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