guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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