thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
