I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
