his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
