i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize