blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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