some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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