Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
