i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
