She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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