my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Text me some of your sweat
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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