He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
