pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
