i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
