Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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