we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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