im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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