Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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