I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
