Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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