Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
