I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
