his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize