Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
