I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
