I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
