Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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