what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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