I puked a lego.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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