Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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