i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
