It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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