Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
