The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
