No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
