I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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