This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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