Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
