I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
