Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
