I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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