on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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