hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
These tits shall not be calmed
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