He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
