the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
