How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
