OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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