he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
