I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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