The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
