Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
