Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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