Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
