I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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