I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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