Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
