He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize