the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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