Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
