the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it because I queefed?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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