Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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