Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude. I can hear the air.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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