He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
