Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
