Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
