Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
