So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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