my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
