i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize