I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
