I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
