you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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