singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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