Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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