woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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