The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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