my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I want her autograph on my taint
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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