Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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