We won't sleep together?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
