I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
