We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
