I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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