just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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