That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
