Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I touched a dick in church today
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
