it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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