I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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