As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
