Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
