i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
