My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
